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Bobby Snodgrass
Sam Schmuck

Action Derk: (He is dressed casually with sack lunch in one hand and paperback book in other hand, horn-rimmed glasses in pocket. He enters, sits down on a park bench, and begins to eat lunch.) What a lovely day! (He takes out glasses and begins to read the book.)
Bobby: (He is dressed in pastoral suit and tie and carries a copy of Christianity Today. He enters, sits down on one side of Derk, and begins to read after he says the following to Derk.) What a lovely day!

Sam: (He is dressed very businesslike in a three-piece suit and tie and carries a briefcase. He enters, sits down on other side of Derk, and opens his briefcase. He takes out Bible, pad, and pen.) What a lovely day! (He says to Derk as he begins to read and study Bible. Silence ensues for several moments as each one does his own thing and tries to ignore the others. Tension climaxes and finally Sam breaks the silence.) The poor spiritually starving world, they don’t read the Bible and feed on its life-sustaining truths.

Bobby: (He is oblivious to what Sam said, obviously reading an article on world hunger.)

Derk: (He is a little perturbed that his privacy has been invaded.) The poor starving American. Someone is sitting on his lunch! (He pulls his sack lunch out from under Bobby.)

Sam: (There is silence for another moment. Sam happens to look up and recognize Bobby.) Bobby, is that you?

Bobby: (He looks up startled.) Why, Sam, is that you?

Sam: Well, Bobby Snodgrass, it’s really you!

Bobby: Well, Sam, Sammy Schmuck, I do declare! (They both rise and embrace, squishing Derk.) Well, how’ve ya been? (He sits down on Derk’s lunch again.)

Sam: Fine, and you?

Bobby: Good. The last time I saw you was five years ago when we graduated from Bible college together.

Sam: Yeah. Never forget those times at good old P.C. Say, what ya been up to since then?

Bobby: Well, ya know, the Lord has really been blessing me. After graduation I had an interview with Pastor Rippensteimer from First Church, and he took me on staff there, and that’s where I’ve been ever since.

Sam: Naw, you’re kidding! Not First Church on Main St., the one that seats five thousand people!

Bobby: That’s the one. You know the Lord really knows how to bless his people if we’ll sell out completely to him. By the way, what’ve you been doin’?

(Meanwhile Derk has given up trying to read his book and pulled his sack lunch out from under Bobby, and attempts to ignore the two talking over him. He pulls out a flattened sandwich and disgustedly throws it back into the sack.)

Sam: Well, you know how I’ve always wanted to travel as an evangelist and sing and preach the gospel all over the country?

Bobby: Yeah.

Sam: Well, after graduation I contacted Billy Braham, and he took me on as his assistant.

Bobby: Naw, not THE famous evangelist—Billy Braham?

Sam: Yep! That’s the one. You know I can’t get over how greatly the Lord will use his servants if we will really commit ourselves to his work.

Derk: (Meanwhile Derk has tried to return to reading his book but has trouble keeping it out of the way of the flying gestures of the other two as they talk.)

Sam: Speaking of his work, guess how many people we have won to the Lord in the last two years?

Bobby: How many?

Sam: Almost two thousand!

Bobby: (competitively) Yeah? Well, guess how much First Church has grown in the last two years?

Sam: How much?

Bobby: We’ve added almost three thousand new members!

Derk: (Meanwhile Derk has given up on trying to read the book and pulled out his lunch again. This time, to his horror, he pulls out a flattened orange!)

Sam: WOW! I see the Lord’s been blessing you, too! You know it’s amazing how many people the Holy Spirit will draw to himself when you come right out and tell people what they’ve gotta do. Turn or burn—it’s that simple.

Bobby: Well, you know Pastor Rippensteimer is a real pro at giving altar calls and his philosophy is love. You’ve got to show people the love of God! Then they’ll want to get saved.

Sam: Naw, man. You’ve got to put a little fear in their hearts. You gotta make ‘em feel the hellfire and brimstone or they won’t even respond.

Bobby: That’s no way to share the Good News. You can’t scare them into the kingdom! You gotta love ‘em in like Jesus did. (Derk looks back and forth at each one as they argue the point.)

Sam: No way. That doesn’t work on the twentieth-century mind-set. You got to come right out and tell them where they’re headed, like the prophets did in the old testament.

Bobby: (He gets upset.) That isn’t what the Bible says. The Bible says you have to have love.

Sam: Oh yeah, where’s that found?

Bobby: Uh, Hezariah 3:16.

Sam: Well, I can show you right here in… in… (turning pages of Bible) in the gospel of Moses where it says, “with the rod I will chasten my people.”

(Derk is getting squished more and more as Bob and Sam get hotter and hotter.)

Bobby: You always did have a hard time in our classes on interpreting the Bible.

Sam: Well, I remember the time you flunked out of Christian Doctrine 101!

Bobby: Why you no good, low down—

Sam: (interrupts) You hypocritical, good for nothing . . . (They go for each other’s throats and catch Derk in between them.)

Bobby: (He finally comes to his senses, releases Sam’s neck.) Hey man, what are we doing?

Sam: (He releases Bobby’s neck.) I don’t know, I guess we just got a little carried away. I’m sorry, man.

Bobby: Me, too.

Derk: (He fell to the ground after the two stopped choking each other, picked himself up, and straightened his glasses. Finally after they finish apologizing, he talks.) Hey, guys, could you tell me a little more about this Good News you’ve been talking about?

Bobby: Uh, I’m late for an appointment, I’ve gotta run.

Sam: Yeah, I just remembered, uh, I’ve gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll see ya later, Bobby.

Bobby: Sure, good-by Sam. Good seem’ ya Bra’.

Sam: You, too, Bobby, Lord bless ya. (The two exit the same way they came in.)

Derk: Man, some Good News!

Categories: Youth

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