Actors The characters in this skit are two demons, one a little smarter than the other. The reference to the “Enemy” is to God, as in C. S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters.

Action Leo: (Ernie is seated reading a newspaper. Leo rushes in.) Ernie, Ernie, you gotta help me. I’m just about to lose a client.
Ernie: What do you mean? You’ve never lost a client.
Leo: I think I’m losin’ my touch.
Ernie: Get ahold of yourself, Leo. You’re not losin’ it. You’re one of the worst demons I know.
Leo: Really?
Ernie: Yeah. You’re terrible! You’re ugly! You’re mean! You’re nasty!
Leo: I am? I mean, I am. I’m a rotten, bad-for-nothin’ demon.
Ernie: Now, go back out there and get ‘em!
Leo: Right! (goes out confidently, then comes right back in) Wait a minute. I need some advice, Ernie.
Ernie: Sure, what is it?
Leo: See, I have this one client who’s on the Enemy’s side. I mean he really is on our side, but he claims to be a follower of the Enemy’s Son. I taught him early that Christianity is only a lot of talk. You don’t have to do anything, just say you’re a follower of the Enemy.
Ernie: Sounds like you’re dam’ great.
Leo: I was for a while. I really had this guy—all talk and no action. I mean his faith was really shallow.
Ernie: What happened?
Leo: He talked to some faithful followers of the Enemy. They got him started doin’, besides just talkin’. He’s puttin’ his faith into action.
Ernie: Have you tried boostin’ his ego by good deeds?
Leo: Yeah! I’m tryin’ to get him on a good-deed kick. You know, tryin’ to earn his salvation by works.
Ernie: Sounds like you got him to me. Just overemphasize the works, instead of the faith. He’ll think he’s a goody-two-shoes.
Leo: But I keep thinkin’ if he is doin’ good things, the Enemy is gonna like him and I’ll lose him.
Ernie: You’re not even close to losin’ him yet. If you can get a human to say he is the Enemy’s child but not act like it, he’s comin’ our way. If you can get him to do good deeds with the wrong motive, you still have him. But when he starts bein’ instead of just doin’ or sayin’, then you got problems.
Leo: What do you mean bein’?
Ernie: Rein’ a follower of the enemy. There’s a lot of difference between sayin’, doin’, and hem’.
Leo: You mean like some people say they follow the Enemy, some act like it, and some actually do it.
Ernie: Right! The Enemy wants his followers not just to say or do certain things, but to become something—to become a faithful follower.
Leo: So if I can keep this guy worried about sayin’ or doin’, he won’t have time to become.
Ernie: And as long as he keeps askin’ questions like “Do I have to do this?” or “Is this really that bad?” then he still hasn’t become a follower. But you gotta be careful to keep him from growin’ up.
Leo: Yeah, if his faith ever matured, I’d lose him.
Ernie: Just never let what he’s sayin’ and doin’ sink into his heart. That’s what the Enemy wants—his heart. If his faith ever penetrates the surface, watch out because your fall is comin’.
Leo: Now you got me scared again, Ernie.
Ernie: You know, Leo, I’m kinda scared, too. I get scared just talkin’ about the Enemy. (Both exit.)