Actors Three guys (1, 2, 3); The “Jerk” (4)
Action 1: (1, 2, 3 enter wearing party hats on their knees. They are laughing and joking.) She called him a jerk right in front of the whole class! (All laugh.)
Then Mrs. Higginbottom walks in—you should have seen her face when she saw Bobby standing on her desk.
2: I heard she cussed him out and then he cussed her out.
1: Nah, but I bet she wanted to. She sure yelled at him. Then she kicked him out of class for two weeks.
3: Bobby deserves whatever happens to him. He is a real jerk.
2: Speaking of jerks—look who’s coming.
4: (enters wearing a party hat on his head) Hi, guys. What’s up?
3: Nothin’ much,__________(4’s name). What are you up to?
4: Just on my way to basketball practice.
2: (low voice to 1 and 3) What’s the deal with this guy wearing that thing on his head?
1: (low voice) I don’t know, but it looks about as nerdish as you can get. Gag! 4: So, you guys comin’ to the game tomorrow night?
1, 2, 3: (shrugging) Maybe. (or) I don’t know.
1: Hey,________ (4’s name), do you play ball with that (pointing to 4’s hat) on your head?
4: Nah, it gets in the way and falls off.
2: Why do you wear a knee cap on your head anyway?
4: A what?
2: A knee cap. Like these. (pointing to the party hat on his knee)
4: Oh, well, I just thought that’s the place you’re supposed to wear it. I thought it was a hat.
3: A hat? (1, 2, and 3 laugh.)
2: You’re kidding, right?
4: No, I’ve always been taught by my parents that you wear this on your head.
1: Who are you gonna believe? Your parents or us? We’re your friends, aren’t we? We wouldn’t lead you astray.
2: It’s just that wearing a knee cap on your head looks kind of . .. kind of weird. Everybody wears them on their knees.
4: Not everybody. I know a lot of people that call these hats and wear them on their heads.
1: Can’t be anybody we know.
2: At least nobody important. Who are they?
4: People at my church. They all—
2: (interrupting) That figures.
4: What?
2: The same kind of people that go to church wear knee caps on their heads. That shows how weird religious people can be.
4: Speaking of weird—have you guys looked at your knees in the mirror lately? I think wearing party hats on your knees is extra weird.
3: Why do you always have to be different, (4’s name)? I mean, since you became a Christian, you don’t act like everyone else anymore.
4: What’s wrong with being different?
2: Nothing. It’s just the things you choose to do different. Stuff that really gags us, you know?
1: There are some things you just gotta do if you want to be part of the crowd.
4: I don’t understand why I can’t just be myself. Why do I have to imitate everyone around me? If I’m going to imitate anyone, I should imitate the perfect model, Jesus. (pause) I better get going. I’ll be late. (exits then steps back in) By the way, Jesus wore a knee cap on his head, too. (exits)
2: Big deal. Mr. Religion has to spout off about his friend, Mr. Jesus. He’s a class one jerk.
3: But he did have a good point—about it being O.K. to be different, to be yourself.
2: The only point he has is on his head. Come on, let’s get out of here.
3: You guys go ahead. There’s something I gotta do. I’ll catch up with you later. (1 and 2 exit. 3 looks cautiously around, glances down at his party hats, thinks a moment, then decides to take one hat off and put it on his head.)
1: (from offstage) Hey, 3’s name, you comin’ or not?
3: Yeah, just a second. (adjusting hat, getting the feel of it, saying to 1) You know, there’s something I’ve been thinking about.
1: (stepping on stage with a party hat on his head) Yeah? What is it?
3: (looks at 1, pausing) Uh, never mind, it’s nothin’.
